It’s pretty rare to find anyone that hasn’t walked in on their parents at one time or another. Over some happy hour beers, my friends and I were bouncing around what song could be playing to make that walk-in experience the ultimate worst. Is it possible to burn the ears along with the eyes? I think so. Feel free to comment with any songs I may have missed.
Let’s set some quick boundaries.
- I purposely picked fast-paced and raunchy songs. LL Cool J “Doin It,” Biggie “F*cking you Tonight,” and R Kelly “Bump n Grind” are all worthy songs, but they’re not nearly as aggressive and lend more to missionary style under the sheets.
- 2 Live Crew could easily own half this list, so I picked just one of their songs.
10.) Juvenile – Back That Ass Up
Why: It means mom is getting it doggy and possibly attempting some butt clapping.
Key lyrics: Self explanatory as everyone knows the lyrics to this song.
Billboard peak: #19
9.) Ginuwine – My Pony
Why: Because this means your Mom is on top and you’re seeing everything. (vomit)
Key lyrics: If you’re horny, let’s do it / Ride it, my pony / My saddle’s waiting / Come and jump on it.
Billboard peak: #6
8.) DH Khaled & Drake – For Free
Why: Because your parents assume their geriatric love making is worthy of these awesome lyrics.
Key Lyrics: “Is it just me? Or is this sex so good I shouldn’t have to f*ck for free.”
Billboard peak: #13
7.) Guns N Roses – Welcome to the Jungle
Why: Is the bedroom the jungle? Their private parts? This is going to be a bad, hair-pulling crime scene.
Key lyrics: OoooAh…I want to hear you scream!
Billboard peak: #7
6.) Prodigy – Smack My Bitch Up
Why: A fast paced song with lyrics that insinuate violence. Yikes. Yea, rough sex no one wants to see.
Key lyrics: The whole song repeats the title…so, yea.
Billboard peak: #89
5.) Disturbed – Down with the Sickness
Why: Lots of monkey-like screaming and heavy drums.
Key Lyrics: Get up, come on get down with the sickness / You f*cker get up come on get down with the sickness
Billboard peak: #29
4.) David Banner – Play
Why: It’s fast paced and means Dad is going to work downtown. Rihanna has a similar version with ‘Cockiness,’ but this song takes the cake.
Key lyrics: The entire song is too raunchy to even use asterisks.
Billboard peak: #7
3.) Khia – My Neck, My Back
Why: The whole song is extreme details of oral. The intro lyrics alone deserve to be top five. Dad is doing work.
Key Lyrics: My neck, my back, lick my p*ssy and my crack. (repeat a zillion times)
Billboard peak: #42
2.) 2 Live Crew – Pop that P*ssy (radio version is ‘Coochie’)
Why: The fact that your parents need a song like this to get it going. Position is irrelevant.
Key lyrics: Song title on repeat.
Billboard peak: #58
1.) Nine Inch Nails – Closer
Why: This means you’re walking into a WWE scene with sweat, anger, and likely masks.
Key lyrics – The whole song. Naturally, the chorus wins with the repetitive screaming: “I want to f*ck you like an animal!!! / I want to feel you from the inside.”
Billboard peak: #41
